This love so violent so fragile
by ifeelgood
Summary: It's the summer of 1949. Both beautiful and young, both looking for something they still don't know how to call, Brittany and Santana meet. The love between them is absolute and it is destined to change forever their lives.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The night of June 21, 1949, Brittany was walking beside her mother along a dusty road. It was the first day of summer and she was wearing a light dress with a pleated skirt, a pair of black sandals, bought especially for the occasion, a blue sweater on her shoulder and her blonde hair was pulled behind her head. Brittany was looking around with the innocent enthusiasm of someone discovering for the first time the world. The air smelled of lemons and grilled meat and she was hearing music coming from afar.  
>«Try to behave yourself. - said her mother softly - It's your first party and you're not a kid anymore. Try to be friendly, even with the birthday girl. But be careful with her... Santana... you know what they say about her.»<br>Brittany had never seen Santana. She heard rumors about her sometimes at home but just enough to evoke a vague curiosity, nothing more.

At the entrance of the garden, Brittany saw people greeting each other, hugging and smiling, happy to have a night of fun.  
>«Is this the happiness I dreamt so much about?» Brittany thought looking up to the tops of the trees swaying in the wind. She was not used to talk very much, leaving her mind free to wander instead.<br>Her mother turned around looking worried: «Is there something wrong?».  
>Brittany shook her head to say no, smiling sweetly.<br>Standing next to the tables, a group of boys and girls was laughing aloud around a girl. She was dressed in white with the skirt just below the knee. She had started running barefoot with her sandals in hand. She was laughing while her dark hair was floating in the air. She climbed on a chair and started to speak, sending kisses to the friends around her.  
>Brittany understood in that moment that the girl dressed in white gave a reason to exist to the garden, to the night and to the people that were calling her to celebrate. It was her dark presence to give light to the night. At this thought she felt a tenderness that left her defenseless.<br>Suddenly, two boys arrived carrying a big red box with a golden bow. She turned around quickly for the happiness and shouted throwing in the air the sandals behind her back. A sandal fell at the feet of Brittany who smiled but didn't stoop down to pick it up. Santana turned around laughing, put an hand on her mouth and shouted - «Sorry!» - raising her arm. They stared at each other and Brittany felt her heart beating with a violence of which she felt ashamed. For a moment she feared that someone would notice her sudden weakness. Santana turned to her friends and started to laugh like never before, even her friends were surprised for a moment by that sudden joy.  
>«Let's go!» said her mother irritated by that scene. Brittany stayed still for a moment then picked up the sandal, careful not to be seen, and followed her mother.<p>

They were in the middle of the garden full of people. They didn't know anyone and her mother was squeezing her arm tightly.  
>«I hope your father will be here soon.» she said looking at a group of boys that were observing her daughter wondering who was that beautiful girl never seen before.<br>Brittany was looking at a table full of every kind of cakes and fruits, with a long line of bottles of white wine aligned in order, when her mother heard a familiar voice. From behind a group of people, her father and Mr. Lopez, the owner of the house, appeared conversing with each other. Mr. Pierce spotted his wife and his daughter and, smiling proudly, he introduced the two women to Mr. Lopez who was a tall thin man, grey-haired but still quite young.  
>Mr. Lopez greeted her mother and then turned to Brittany: «Seventeen years... - he said looking in her eyes - I have to say, Pierce, your daughter is really a flower ready to bloom. She is one year younger than my daughter Santana.»<br>Brittany looked down shyly and moved a strand of hair behind her ear.  
>«I bet you've already met my daughter. She was running around barefoot with her present... Santana! Santana! Come here!» he shouted looking around.<br>«I taught her to be free and now she's like a wild animal.» he said laughing.  
>Santana arrived sweating and with messy hair.<br>«Here I am!»  
>«Come here, I want you to meet my friend, Mr. Pierce. He is here with his wife and his daughter, Brittany.»<br>She greeted them and then she looked in the eyes of the girl with the blue sweater. Brittany was afraid by her suddenly beating heart but, as she looked the small girl in the eyes, a strange feeling of peace and joy filled her.  
>«Hi, I'm Santana.» she said reaching out her hand.<br>«Hi.» replied Brittany shaking her hand and letting the awkwardness of this first touch being overtaken by the exchange of heat between their hands.  
>Santana thought that the girl in front of her seemed like a butterfly, ready to fly away at any moment.<br>«I think you may need this.» said Brittany giving her the sandal.  
>Mr. Lopez began to laugh: «Ah, I really have a crazy girl!»<br>Santana looked at his father: «Well, I don't now where the other sandal is and I don't know what to do with just one.»  
>She took the shoe from Brittany's hand and threw it away.<br>«Isn't this a beautiful party? - she said spinning around - Thanks for coming!» she shouted while already running away.  
>«Oh, well, it's her party and she can do whatever she want» said Mr. Lopez with a happy smile.<br>Brittany felt a sudden pain: she didn't even pay attention to her after that first look. The pain was so strange, like a small wound, like a smile not returned. While still near the group, Santana had looked behind without being seing, as if to catch a last glance with Brittany. But she didn't find it.

«Don't you want to go having fun with the others?» said Mr. Pierce to her daughter.  
>«No.»<br>«Why not?»  
>«Give her a break - said her mother - she will stay here with me.»<br>«I thought it would be a good thing to stay with the others - replied his father - she is always alone.»  
>Brittany was bother both by her father, with his pressure to socialize, and her mother, with her continuing prohibitions and anxieties.<br>«I hope I don't disturb you - said Mr. Lopez approaching the family - but I will steal your daughter for a drink. A girl like you should enjoy a party like this. You have to meet some of the boys. Ah, if only I was twenty years younger!»  
>Brittany laughed shyly and followed Lopez while her mother was looking preoccupied.<br>«What can I offer you?» said Mr. Lopez.  
>«An orange juice.»<br>She had just took a sip of her drink when Santana appeared behind her.  
>«Are you trying to steal my friends? - she said looking her father in the eyes - Come on, let's go find someone interesting.»<br>Santana took her hand and started to walk away.  
>«You should walk barefoot too - she said without looking Brittany who was trying to keep her pace - the feeling is amazing.»<br>Brittany looked at their joined hands and for the first time in her life she felt her heart smiling.

«So?» said Mr. Pierce approaching Mr. Lopez.  
>«They're beautiful.» Mr. Lopez said looking toward the two girls.<br>There was a moment of silence.  
>«I'd like to invite your daughter to stay here tonight - he said - I would be very happy if our daughters become friends.»<br>«Sure! It would be an honor.» Mr. Pierce replied.  
>«And tomorrow night we can close our deal».<br>Mrs. Pierce was looking at her husband with eyes wide open.  
>«I don't think it's a good idea. - she said - She is not used to stay out at night, she needs to sleep at home.»<br>«Oh, don't be silly - replied Mr. Pierce - she is almost a woman now and Mr. Lopez is a friend so I don't see where is the problem.»  
>«Let's celebrate, then! - said Mr. Lopez - To our daughters!»<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The next morning Brittany woke up in a big, hot and bright room. She put an arm in front of her eyes and thought about the night before. She remembered some words, bottles of wine, people laughing and dancing, the serious face of her mother, the happy face of her father, Santana's eyes. Brittany looked around for a while before leaving the room. She felt tired and her lips were dry. She went down the stairs without finding anyone around. The house was big and, even if it was a very hot day, a soft wind was entering through the open windows moving around the curtains. She arrived in the kitchen where Mr. Lopez was already preparing breakfast.  
>«Good morning.» she said.<br>«Oh, good morning, my dear. Did you sleep well?»  
>«Yes, thank you. I feel my head a little heavy though.»<br>«Well, this is normal when you're not used to drink. Don't worry.» he said smiling.  
>«Santana?»<br>«She's still sleeping. There is coffee, if you want. And hot milk and jam.»  
>«Thank you.» she said while sitting at the table.<br>Santana arrived a few minutes later. She was again barefoot, with big black sunglasses and a short nighthgown. Brittany stared for a moment at her beautiful, dark legs before realizing that Santana was standing still near the door looking at her.  
>«What are you doing here?» she said with an amused tone.<br>«She will stay here with us all day. - Mr. Lopez reply - It was my idea.» he said proudly.  
>Santana moved forward and started to pour the milk in a cup. She sat with her legs drawn up, showing her knees. The sight of that naked skin started to embarass Brittany without knowing why.<br>Santana was silent and it seemed like she was completely detached from the surrounding. In reality, under her big sunglasses, she was watching the girl sitting next to her. She observed the elegance in her posture and in the movement of her hands: she seemed nervous and with a mind full of thoughts.  
>«Do you want to go to the river with me today?» she said to Brittany while biting a piece of bread.<br>«That's a wonderful idea! - said Mr. Lopez - I think it's a lovely place to spend the day.»  
>Brittany nodded looking just for a brief moment Santana in the eyes.<p>

«Yesterday the party was awful!» Santana said while walking and looking up at the sky.  
>Brittany remained silent for a moment.<br>«I thought you really enjoyed it. - she said while trying to keep the pace with Santana - You were laughing so much.»  
>Santana stopped and turn around to look Brittany in the eyes.<br>«If I have to say the truth, I don't remember anything!» she said laughing.  
>Brittany looked at her: in a way, the smile has reached also her eyes and it was the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.<br>«I want to show you my special place.» Santana said grabbing her hand.  
>After a short path through the trees, they arrived near the river. The day was hot and the only sound around them was the water flowing down through the rocks.<br>«Let's go swim!» Santana said excited.  
>She ran towards the river and then looked at Brittany who was standing still.<br>«I... I can't. I don't have the swimsuit.»  
>«You don't need it. Look around, there's no one here.»<br>Santana took off her clothes and, while Brittany was trying to look away, she started to go naked into the river. She was thin and she still hadn't the body of a woman but her breast was full and round.  
>«Do you not undress?» she said looking at Brittany.<br>«I have never bathed naked.»  
>She felt uncomfortable. The air was so hot and the dress she was wearing was making her sweat. She felt ashamed and Santana was so beautiful.<br>«Come on!» Santana insisted.  
>«No.»<br>«Please.»  
>«I said no.»<br>«It's so cold! So cold! So cold!» Santana said when the water arrived to her chin.  
>Brittany felt her heart beating fast. The idea of being seen naked by Santana was terrorizing and exciting at the same time.<br>«And if someone sees us?» she whispered.  
>«There's no one here. And, in any case, what if?»<br>Brittany wanted to undress herself, she wanted to be in the water with Santana, to laugh and to joke. Instead she turned around and began to walk away.  
>«Where are you going? Come back, Brittany.»<br>It was the first time that Santana pronounced her name.  
>«I don't want to bathe.»<br>Santana started to swim around, singing a dirty song like a child.  
>Brittany was so angry with herself. She wanted to be in the water with her but instead she sat on a rock near the bank. She was attracted by the beauty of Santana but that desire made her ashamed and embarassed.<br>Santana approached Brittany who was sitting with her chin on the knees looking down. Her heart was beating so fast: Santana was naked in front of her and she had no courage to look up. So Santana kneeled down to reach her eyes level.  
>«Do you want to go?» she whispered shivering.<br>Brittany moved slightly. She felt like she was not able to breathe. It was like time slowed down while Santana stood up and began to get dressed.  
>They came back home in silence. Brittany was trying hard not to cry while Santana was walking a few step before her, playing with a stick.<p>

That night, in her bed at home, Brittany thought about the last day: the party, the wine, the river, Santana. It seemed like a week and instead it was just a day. They laughed, they talked and then that silence. The silence that lasted all the afternoon after the visit to the river: Santana closed in her room to rest while she was in the garden reading. Even when it was time to leave, Santana only said «Bye.» standing in the distance, while her father was organizing another visit: «Brittany is such a lovely girl. She has to come here again soon and this time she has to stay longer.»  
>That night Brittany dreamt of Santana naked, while hugging her. She felt a violent pleasure deep inside her. She dreamt of kissing her. She woke up excited with her body shivering between the sheets. She touched her breast, hardly breathing, and she was no more able to fell asleep. She kept thinking about Santana, the dreamt kiss, her bare feet. She lay there, with her eyes open, while the night breeze was caressing her skin.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Brittany came back two weeks later. Leaving home was difficult since her mother started to argue again with her father: she didn't want her daughter to spend so much time in that house. With that girl.  
>She was waiting in the garden with her baggage by her side when Mr. Lopez arrived.<br>«Here it is, our beautiful flower!» he said hugging her and giving her a kiss on the cheek.  
>«Did you travel well?»<br>Brittany nodded slightly.  
>«Very well. - he said smiling - Come in. Santana is still sleeping but she knew you were coming.»<br>«Is she happy that I'm here?»  
>«Of course she is!» he replied immediately.<br>Brittany entered her room and went to the window to breathe some fresh air. While she was there with her eyes closed she heard a voice. Santana. It seemed like she was shouting and crying at the same time.  
>«I don't want anybody here, do you understand? I want to stay alone!»<br>«Keep quiet! Keep your voice down!»  
>Brittany felt tears in her eyes. She turned around, pick up her baggage and walked out of the room and down the stairs. In that moment, Mr. Lopez arrived with Santana. They stared at each other for a moment. Then Brittany burst into tears, released the baggage and ran into her room shutting the door. She threw herself on the bed hiding her face in the pillow.<br>«Open the door.»  
>«I don't want to see you.»<br>«Please, Brittany.»  
>«I want to go home.»<br>«Don't be stupid.»  
>«I'm not stupid! I heard what you said to your father. I want to go away. Now!»<br>There was a moment of silence.  
>«I don't want you to go away.» Santana whispered.<br>She stood with her head leaning on the door while her open hand was caressing the wood.  
>«Please don't go away... I need you. Since you went away, I kept thinking of you every day...» she admitted while protected by the closed door.<br>Brittany wanted to cry, feeling so stupid and fragile. She bit her lower lip.  
>«Open the door, please. I just need you.» Santana said with her cheek on the door.<br>The door remained closed until the sunset.

Dinner was quite silent: Brittany was concentrated on her plate while Mr. Lopez was observing the two girls.  
>«Well, - he said trying to cheer up the atmosphere - if you'll spend like this the following days, your tongues will soon be dry!»<br>«I'm sorry for today - Santana said sincerely - I was angry... but I wasn't angry with you. I just didn't want to see anybody. I'm sorry...»  
>Mr. Lopez stared at his daughter surprised: it was the first time he heard Santana apologize.<br>«Very well! - he said - This evening we will go out to celebrate. And I want you both to dress elegantly.»

When Santana saw Brittany coming down the stairs, she felt a knot in her stomach. She thought she had never seen anywhere the same shade of blue of Brittany's eyes. She was wearing a tight skirt, long to below the knee, and a white blouse that made her look taller and elegant. She clenched her fists and felt ashamed of herself.  
>«I'm a monster!» Santana said looking at the mirror.<br>«You're beautiful.» Brittany replied approaching her.  
>«You are beautiful. I like your dress.»<br>They looked at each other for a moment.  
>«Let's go, I think my father is already waiting for us.»<br>The night was warm. Brittany and Santana were in the back seat of the car while Mr. Lopez was driving towards the city.  
>«I'm happy you're here with me.» Santana whispered and both girls began to laugh without a reason. Mr. Lopez watched the two girls from the rear-view mirror and smiled.<br>They had a wonderful time walking around the city center. Mr. Lopez was happy to be with the two beautiful girls and introduced them to all his friends. Santana linked her arm with Brittany's and never let go. She was really tired when they decided to go back home and, once in the car, she soon fell asleep with her head on Brittany's legs. Brittany could feel the warm of her friend spreading throughout her body and started caressing her hair.

The first days passed slowly. The summer was really hot and it was impossible to go out during the day.  
>«Do you think I'm crazy?» Santana asked one day while they were lying on the couch, trying to escape the heat of the day.<br>«No.»  
>«Some days I think I am. Is like I hate everyone and everything... like the day when you arrived. There's something wrong inside me, I don't know...»<br>Brittany watched her.  
>«You know what? - she continued - One day I will go away. I will travel the world. I will... I will... You can come with me, if you want. No, you have to come with me! I will kidnap you!»<br>She laughed for a moment and then looked Brittany in the eyes.  
>«I'm happy you're here.»<br>«It didn't seem like that when I arrived... You hurt me.»  
>Santana was still looking deeply in her eyes.<br>«I thought a lot about you since that day at the river.»  
>«Me too.»<br>«We can go back there, if you want.»  
>«Ok.»<p>

Santana was naked under the sun, lying on the rocks near the river. Brittany was in the water, still like a frog and observing her friend. The cicadas were shrilling and only the water seemed to have enough energy to move. Santana was slowly caressing her stomach and Brittany moved in the water continuing to look at her without being seen. She thought that her skin was so pale in confront to that of Santana and she felt ashamed of her pallor. When she came out of the water, she wrapped herself in the towel.  
>«Do you not lie down to sunbathe?»<br>«I don't want to get burned by the sun.»  
>Santana closed her eyes and seemed to fell asleep.<br>«Have you ever made love to a man?» she suddenly asked.  
>Brittany didn't know what to answer.<br>«Why are you asking me?»  
>«I don't know. Just to talk. There's nothing to be ashamed of if you've never been with a man.»<br>«And you?»  
>«Me?»<br>There was a moment of silence.  
>«No, me neither.»<br>She closed her eyes and started to laugh. For a brief moment, Brittany imagined herself in bed with a man and felt defenceless and alone. She tried to think of Santana, naked, in the arms of a man and it was like someone punched her in the stomach. She felt for the first time the pain that arise from missing tenderness and jealousy. She felt the loneliness of an unrequited love.  
>«Love...» she thought.<br>She closed her eyes and let the sun warm her face.

That night the sky was full of dark clouds. A storm broke shortly before midnight. The wind was blowing through the garden and lightning lit up the darkness.  
>Brittany was awake, curled up in her bed. She heard knocking at the door.<br>«Who is it?»  
>«It's me, Santana.»<br>She slowly opened the door.  
>«I brought you a book to read...»<br>«At this time?»  
>«The book is just an excuse... I'm scared. I want to sleep with you.»<br>Brittany remained silent so Santana closed the door and got into the bed. She lay next to Brittany, hugging her from behind without a word.  
>Brittany felt the heat of their bodies against each other and closed her eyes. Slowly, Santana began to lift her nightgown and started to caress her skin. Brittany felt her cheeks on fire and held her breath. Santana's hand was like velvet. She caressed her back and her nervous legs. Then she began to kiss her softly, sometimes stopping like she felt the need to contemplate the moment. Brittany's skin smelled like milk.<br>They were silent. Brittany felt her heart beating crazily. Santana curled up against her body and their legs intertwined. Outside, the rain was still falling heavily.  
>«My mom used to cuddle me when there was a storm.» Santana said after a while.<br>«Do you miss her a lot?»  
>Santana closed her eyes and began to cry silently. They remained like that until they heard the thunders far away.<br>«The rain stopped.» Brittany said while getting up from the bed to open the window. The fresh air entered the room with a sweet smell of wet grass.  
>Brittany went back to bed and started caressing Santana's hair. They looked in the eyes. Santana leaned up and kissed her on the lips, like to thank her to be there. She kissed her for a long time, slowly, with her tongue on her lips, in her mouth. And then she kissed her on the eyes and moved to the ear whispering: «You're mine, Brittany. You're mine.»<br>Brittany was still, her muscles were aching. She was shaken by the tenderness of Santana's lips.  
>They made love while the night was dripping away. They were naked embracing their bodies burned by the sun. Santana was caressing her, feeling the soft skin under her fingers shivering. Brittany held her in her arms kissing her breast. She found it hard to breathe and the beating of her heart was hurting her until the hands of her friend led her to feel a shock, a groan mixed of pleasure and shame. She bit her lips and dug the nails in Santana's skin. Her body was shaking. Exhaling a long breath, she opened her arms and gripped the sheets. A few tears slipped from her eyes and she turned the head towards the wall while Santana kept kissing her neck, embracing her like she was a rock in the middle of the ocean.<br>The next morning Brittany woke up clinging on Santana's naked body. She smiled enjoying that moment of happiness.  
>«Good morning.» she whispered.<br>Santana stretched like a cat, opened her eyes and smiled. She touched Brittany's lips with a finger and then kissed her.  
>The sky was bright blue and the sun was still rising. Brittany and Santana touched each other again, with their hands and with their mouths. They explored their bodies with the intimacy found during the night and the excitement of the new desire. Then they fell asleep again, with Brittany spooning Santana.<p>

«I'm afraid of losing you, Brittany.»  
>They were at the river, watching the water flow.<br>«I'm afraid that when you'll go away I'll never see you again.»  
>She started caressing Brittany's face.<br>«Have you ever loved someone?»  
>«Never like you.»<br>«And do you think we will love each other forever?»  
>«The important thing is to love each other now. We have still few days together then I don't know when we'll meet again.»<br>They embraced like they weren't able to live apart. The sun was shining and Santana looked Brittany in the eyes and said on her lips: «Whisper to me your love.»

Santana kept visiting Brittany during the night. They didn't speak a lot, they just wanted to stay together, feeling each other.  
>«Have you ever made love to a man?», Brittany asked.<br>«Why are you asking me this again?»  
>«I want to know if you ever made love to a man.»<br>«And why do you care?»  
>«So you've done it.»<br>«Why do you care?»  
>«I care. I'm sick just thinking of it.»<br>«And you? Have you ever made love to a man?»  
>«No.»<br>They remained silent for awhile.  
>«What will they think of us?», Brittany whispered.<br>«Nobody has to know about our love. Nobody.»  
>«And what if they found us?»<br>«We will always deny.»  
>«I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in this world.»<br>«Me too.»


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4  
><strong>

Mr. Lopez organized a party that week. As people began to arrive, Brittany was in the garden looking around excited. It was like the first party she attented few weeks earlier but she was so different now, so changed: it was like that Brittany no longer existed.  
>«Are your friends coming?» Brittany asked.<br>«Why? So you can hook up with one of the boys?»  
>Santana was definitely in a bad mood.<br>«You're not funny.»  
>«I don't care. I need to drink.»<br>In that moment a car arrived. Santana stopped immediately and Brittany observed her, questioning what was happening. Mr. Lopez approached the car with open arms. A tall young man with a serious expression stepped out of the car.  
>«Oh my God!» Santana exclaimed.<br>«Who is he?»  
>The man was dressed in an original yet elegant way.<br>«He is dressed like a penguin.» Brittany said laughing.  
>«Noah? Yes... he's cute. He has a lot of money. He was one of my lovers.» Santana said walking away to welcome the new arrival.<br>Brittany began to laugh nervously. She bit her lower lip and turned towards the table to pour herself an orange juice, this time adding vodka. She drank it in one gulp: she had never drank an hard liquor before.  
>She watched Santana greeting Noah with a kiss on the cheek and suddenly she felt like a stranger, out of place. She leant on the table feeling sick.<br>«You're always more beautiful.» Noah said to Santana looking in her eyes.  
>«You know that these things don't work with me. Not anymore.» she said flirting with him and touching the collar of his shirt.<br>«And you know that I will always wait for you.»  
>Noah look around until his eyes found Brittany who was not far away observing the scene.<br>«You have to introduce me to your new friend.» he said with a smirk, never leaving Brittany's eyes.  
>«You can't have her! - Santana replied harshly - Leave her alone.»<br>«We will see...» he whispered walking away.  
>Brittany hadn't heard the conversation. Her only thought was Santana in his arms. She felt betrayed. Was it true or was it just another mean joke played by Santana? She drank another glass quickly. In a moment it was like something hit her brain from the inside and she felt faint.<br>«Oh, are you ok?»  
>Strong arms were around her waist keeping her from falling down.<br>«I knew this was gonna be a great night. - Noah said while keeping his hands around her. - It doesn't happen everyday to have a beautiful woman falling in my arms.»  
>In that moment Mr. Lopez arrived.<br>«Don't you introduce me to your guest?» Noah said smiling.  
>«Sure, sure. - Mr. Lopez replied. - Noah, this is Brittany Pierce. By now, you can consider her my adopted child. Brittany, this is Noah Puckerman, a dear friend of mine.»<br>Brittany was now sitting on a chair and looked Noah for a moment before closing her eyes exhausted.  
>«What happened? How are you?»<br>Brittany heard the alarmed voice of Santana and then warm hands cupped her face.  
>«I think she drank too much and too quickly - replied Mr. Lopez a little amused. - Why don't you take her for a walk? I think she needs it.»<br>Brittany got up leaning on Santana and the two girls began to walk away.  
>«Why you didn't tell me that you've been with a man?» she asked when they were alone, behind the house.<br>«Is it so important?»  
>«I feel stupid and sick. You can be so mean and I.. I don't understand... You told me it in a way... like you don't care...»<br>«Is this because I've been with Noah? Well, I should feel jealous considering how he was looking at you. He is just trying to play with me using you.»  
>«It's not true.»<br>«What?»  
>«You're not jealous of me.»<br>Brittany felt anger towards Santana and she desired to hurt her like Santana did.  
>«You just want everyone's attention because you're a spoiled child. That's why you can't stand his gaze upon me.»<br>Santana slapped Brittany in the face.  
>«Stupid!» she said walking away angry.<br>Brittany remained still for a moment with tears running down her face. She began to walk but her head was spinning and she was losing the balance.  
>«It's the second time I save you.» Noah said while keeping her from falling.<br>She didn't hear him arrive.  
>«I must look horrible.» she said still confused.<br>«I'm starting to wonder if this is even possible.» he said smiling.  
>«I drank too much.»<br>She tried to escape his embrace but she was not capable to stand up, eventually leaning on him. She pushed her hands against his chest while he was keeping an hand around her waist. With the other one he caressed her cheek.  
>«You should have said something really terrible if she reacted slapping you.»<br>«And what do you care?» she replied with a mean voice.  
>«Oh, oh, I bet you're really wild under this sweet appearance.» he said grabbing her by the arms.<br>His violence was so sudden that she didn't have the time to react. He kissed her mouth forcedly and then put his lips on her necks. Brittany managed to break free and spat on his face. Then she ran away losing one of her shoes.

Santana was in the garden talking with an old lady when she saw Noah walking with a strange smile and a shoe in his hand. She recognized it immediately. She suddenly felt a void inside her and a crazy fear. She started to run, feeling her distress arise. Why was she so stupid? Why did she treat her like this? She was looking around but there was no sign of Brittany anywhere. She felt the need to embrace her, kiss her and protect her. She went where she saw her the last time and, when alone, she began to shout her name.  
>She was desperate. Then she had an idea and started to run towards the river. When she arrived, there was only the faint light of the moon to illuminate the place but she recognized immediately Brittany. She was curled up against the rocks, with her hands near the mouth. She stopped trying to catch the breath: she felt her heart pumping hard for the joy of seeing her.<br>«Brittany.» she said kneeling down in front of her.  
>«Brittany, please, forgive me. I... I need you. I'm so stupid and mean. - she started to cry - Sometimes I don't even know why I say what I say... I don't know...»<br>She took her hand bringing it to her face.  
>«Leave me alone. - she replied without strength - Leave...»<br>«Please, Brittany. Please. I need you.»  
>She caressed her cheek and leaned down to kiss the corner of her mouth.<br>«Go away!» Brittany said with a slow movement of her hand.  
>«I'm so sorry.» Santana whispered.<p>

The following day Brittany met Santana in the kitchen.  
>«I said to your father that I will go away tomorrow.» Brittany said looking down.<br>«You're going because of me?»  
>«I'm confused. I need to be alone for awhile.»<br>«I fear the moment when you will go.»  
>«Me too. It seems like my life started when I arrived here but I need to go. I'll miss you but we need to try to meet again. We can't let the others divide us. Do you understand? It happened yesterday and I don't want it to happen again. You hurt me.»<br>«You too.»

They spent the last night embracing each other, sharing the heat of their naked bodies.  
>«I think I'll never be able to live again without you.»<br>«Me either.»  
>«Tomorrow I will not come to say goodbye. I'll do it tonight. I can't stand the idea of tomorrow...»<br>«I'm going to miss you so much.»  
>They embraced crying.<br>«You are me.»  
>«And you are my life.»<br>When the morning arrived, there was only Mr. Lopez to wave goodbye as her car pulled away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5  
><strong>

When Brittany arrived at home, she sat on the bed with her baggage open in front of her. She remained still, suspended, not a thought in her mind, until a breeze woke her up. She closed her eyes and thought about the last kiss shared in the early morning, the bed, the parties, the river, the nights with Santana.  
>She loved Santana. But there was something odd about that word. Love. Yes, she loved Santana but for the first time, with her, she had also felt alone. Even if she was there, touching her. Or, maybe, because she was there. She realized that she would be alone for a long time, maybe forever.<br>Her mother found her asleep a few hours later.  
>«She came back - she said to her husband - but she is no more our child. She is a woman. A woman, do you understand?»<br>«What are you talking about?»  
>«I saw it. I saw it in her eyes...» she whispered while moving nervously around wringing her's hands.<br>«Let her live. She is young. You don't have to be angry at her just because you no more remember how to have fun!»  
>«How da...»<br>Brittany appeared at the door.  
>«Dinner is ready.» she said harshly leaving the room.<p>

During dinner they remained silent until Mr. Pierce spoke to Brittany: his tone was aggressive, as if his mind had accumulated too many thoughts since the conversation with his wife.  
>«Something happened in that house?»<br>Brittany remained with her fork in the air watching her father.  
>«No, why?»<br>«Mr. Lopez still hadn't signed our contract. There's something wrong, too many weeks had passed.»  
>«Nothing happened, why? I spent a wonderful time over there.»<br>«You stayed a lot under the sun. - her mother said - Your face and your arms are darker.»  
>«I've been to the river with Santana. And we went also to the city center and there was a party. It was wonderful, we had fun.» Brittany said in a rush hoping that her entusiasm could be contagious. But her parents had other things in mind.<br>«I'm worried for my deal with Mr. Lopez... I don't know why he didn't sign.»  
>«But what did you want me to do there?» Brittany said trying to understand what she didn't want to understand.<br>«I just thought that your presence there would have... facilitate our deal. That's all.»  
>Brittany looked her father and her mother with disgust. Then she stood up quickly and ran to her room.<br>Mrs. Pierce watched coldly her husband. She wiped her mouth and went to see her daughter. Mr. Pierce remained sit, leaning against the back of the chair.  
>Brittany was crying with her face hide in the pillow. She didn't let her mother in and after a few attempts she was left alone. She felt naked, defenceless and fragile. She felt the absence of feelings, like a desert was growing inside her. The loneliness was eating her alive and in the darkness of the night she thought that nobody, maybe not even Santana, would have ever understood her deepest voice.<p>

The next day her mother suddenly entered the room.  
>«What?» Brittany said scared.<br>«At the river, there was only you and Santana or there was also Mr. Lopez?»  
>«Just me and Santana. Why?»<br>«I don't like him. I don't trust him.»  
>«Nothing happened, mother. Leave me alone.»<br>«I want to know.»  
>«He was never at home. I spent time just with Santana.»<br>«And did you bathe? Raise your skirt.»  
>«What? W... Why?»<br>«I want to know what you were wearing when you sunbathed.»  
>Her mother approached her raising her hand but Brittany grabbed her wrist.<br>«No!»  
>«I see that my child is grown up. - she said with a bitter smile - I lost her the day of the party...»<br>Brittany didn't answer.  
>«If I discover that he touched you...»<br>«He never touched me!»  
>Her mother let her hand falling down. There was tension in the air.<br>«Do you want to go shopping with me tomorrow? Or are you too grown up to do that with your mother?»  
>Brittany remained silent, not answering. She saw the loneliness of her mother: abandoned by her daughter, ignored by her husband. But she didn't feel sorry.<br>When her mother left, she put her hands on the face and thought about Santana. One day, when they were still together, she found a small card at the end of one of her books. Santana had written:

_ Now that you have finished it, you may find the time to think about me for awhile. I am surely thinking about you right now.  
><em>

Brittany opened that book again searching for a specific poem.

_This love  
>So violent<br>So fragile  
>So tender<br>So hopeless  
>This love<br>As beautiful as the day  
>And as wretched as the weather<br>When the weather is wretched  
><em>

She closed her eyes.  
>«You make me smile and you make me cry. Why is it so?»<br>«Because I'm yours and you are mine.»

After the departure of Brittany, the house was just an empty box for Santana. It was like an abandoned theatre, where every corner was the background of a memory, a word, a smile or simply a look. She was thinking of all the time she surprised her friend by appearing silently behind her, putting the hands on her eyes. Or when, during the night, they spent time in the kitchen, eating bread and jam, laughing and whispering as if they were stealing something. When walking through the garden she always hoped to see Brittany behind a tree, ready to cover her mouth with kisses. Even a wall where Brittany leaned on or a step where she sat were no more the same. Santana slept several nights in Brittany's bed, between the sheets that smelled like her, hugging her pillow with her eyes wide open, staring at the bare wall. In her mind she could hear Brittany laughing and it was like a lullaby helping her to sleep.

«Mrs. Pierce!»  
>Brittany heard the voice of the mailman calling her mother.<br>«She is not here.»  
>«I have mail for you» he said giving her some envelopes.<br>Brittany looked them vaguely and then she froze.  
>«There's something wrong?»<br>«No, not at all! - she reply with watery eyes - Thank you!»  
>She kissed the man on a cheek and ran inside the house. He remained still for a moment and then went away smiling and whistling.<br>Brittany closed the door of her room and landed on her bed with an envelope in her shaking hands. She dreamt for so long about receiving a letter from Santana. There were only few words written inside:

_Dear Brittany,  
>we are going to spend the rest of the summer at the sea. Do you want to come with us? We are waiting for you.<br>_

_ Please, try to come._

_ Santana_

* * *

><p><em>Note.<em> The poem is "Cet Amour" (This Love) by Jacques Prévert


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

It took a big fight with her parents and several hours on the road to arrive to the small village by the sea where Mr. Lopez had a house. At the bus station, she stepped out of the bus with her baggage and looked around not finding anyone waiting for her. She began to think that maybe she was at the wrong stop or it was the wrong day or the wrong hour. The air was hot and she didn't know anybody.  
>When the bus left, she turned around and saw a girl, on the other part of the street, looking at her. She didn't recognized her immediately.<br>Santana.  
>Her heart was loudly beating and Brittany didn't know what to do: raising her arm to greet her, running to hug her or simply remaining still.<br>Santana also stood still: Brittany seemed grown up. More woman and more elegant with her glowing golden hair. So beautiful.  
>A young boy approached Brittany asking if she needed help with the baggage. She said no, never leaving her eyes from the girl in front of her. Santana raised her arm timidly. Brittany did the same and then picked up her baggage and crossed the street. She dropped it near her feet and smiled. They looked in the eyes for another instant and then fell into each other's arms. Santana embraced her with tenderness for a long time, smelling the orange scent of her hair, while Brittany hold her closely. Then she kissed her softly on a cheek, enjoying the contact with the smooth skin.<br>«Hi.» Brittany whispered.  
>«At last.» Santana replied, wanting to keep Brittany in her arms forever.<p>

They headed for home having so many things to say to each other but without finding the right words, overwhelmed by the happiness. They were walking without looking at each other, feeling awkward. They had to get used to be together again.  
>«I studied a lot in this period. And you?»<br>«You're different. - Santana replied as if she didn't hear the question - You look grown up.»  
>They had to find again their words, their whispers, their caresses: the love that walks with us is different from the one we carry inside to survive and few weeks of absence are enough to discover it.<br>Brittany was sweating.  
>«It's so hot here!» she said looking at her friend.<br>Santana moved closer without a word. She ran her fingers over her forehead and then over her lips as if to say «Welcome back to me».

«Our flower is arrived!»  
>Mr. Lopez hugged Brittany and kissed her on a cheek.<br>«Look at you. You're a woman now!»  
>Brittany smiled looking around the house.<br>«So, do you like it here?»  
>«It's wonderful.»<br>«I know. It's like a small piece of heaven. And tonight I will show you the village. But first I'm going to prepare a wonderful dinner for us with the fresh fish I bought this morning.»  
>He showed her the house never stopping to talk. Santana and Brittany were watching him amused.<br>«Now go get changed and relax.» he finally said.  
>«I will call you when dinner is ready.» he shouted while the girls were already running upstair.<br>«The rooms are really small, so you will sleep with me in this bed.» Santana said jumping on it.  
>Brittany sat near her.<br>«I argued with my parents. We are like stranger now. Really, I didn't want to stay in that house another minute.»  
>«You're here now. - Santana said running the fingers through her blonde hair - With me.»<br>Her hand caresses Brittany's back.  
>«We will stay together for a week. Just you and me. - Santana said smiling - I want to go with you to an hidden beach I've found not so far away. What do you say?»<p>

It was the first time she went swimming in the sea and Brittany was excited and scared at the same time.  
>«I don't know how to swim and the water is so cold...»<br>«Come on, it's like at the river.»  
>«No, it's not.»<br>Santana took her hand and started walking into the water. They laughed carefree while playing between the waves. The sky was blue and many years later Brittany would have thought of that afternoon with a smile. She would remember the water, leaving white lines of salt on her skin, and Santana, with her big dark eyes looking at her like she was the most precious thing in the world.  
>That night they slept in each other's arms. It was strange to find again the body of the other but it was also exciting, like the first time.<br>«No one will ever steal these nights from us.» Santana whispered.  
>It was midnight. They kissed with a smile on their lips, touching each other like it was an unhoped gift.<br>«I love you.» Santana suddenly said.  
>They made love all night. Their words were banal but in that moment they were telling the absolute, like only two lovers can do. They fell asleep and woke up during the night, touching with their eyes closed. Stealing kisses and caresses. Letting the hands slide on backs, breasts and in between their legs. Finding pleasure taking the other. When the morning arrived it was like they were waking up from the same unreal dream.<p>

«I wrote a lot about you.» Brittany said while they were at the beach.  
>«And why you didn't send anything?»<br>«I was afraid that someone could read my letters. Those words were only for you.»  
>Santana smiled.<br>«Do you think we will always be together?»  
>«I don't know. Why are you asking me this now?»<br>«Because I'm afraid of losing you forever. When you weren't with me I had the hope to see you again. Now that you're here, the thought of losing you is unbearable.»

«Look here.»  
>«Where?»<br>«Look at me.»  
>«Like this?»<br>«Yes, perfect!»  
>Brittany was leaning on a wall, with her arms in the air, ready to jump like a dancer.<br>«Stay still.» Santana shouted.  
>«I'm falling.»<br>Click.  
>«You are so beautiful.» Santana said lowering the camera.<br>It was a present from her father. She discovered a passion for photography and in the weeks while Brittany was at home, far away from her, she experimented a lot. Looking at her box of photos, she realized that what she captured with the camera was not the reality but what her soul was seeing in that moment. That's why she decided to give the box to Brittany as a present.  
>«I stole a piece of your soul today. - Santana said putting away the camera - So when you will be not here, I will keep it with me.»<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The night of the third day Mr. Lopez decided to go out for dinner with the girls.  
>«I invited a friend to eat with us. - Mr. Lopez said while walking down the street - He arrived yesterday.»<br>Brittany and Santana were walking behind him whispering and laughing.  
>«Who is he?» Santana asked.<br>«Surprise.» he replied smiling.  
>Santana looked at him wrinkling her's forehead. Brittany noted some boys near a wall that where looking at them. Since she arrived at the village, she got used to the looks and the smiles of the men when she was with Santana: she cannot deny that sometimes it was flattering to receive such attentions.<br>«Why don't they stop their leering?» Santana said disturbed.  
>«I think they're cute.»<br>«Well, I think you're cute and I don't want them to look at you in that way.»  
>«I think they're looking at you too in that... way.»<br>«I don't care. I'm only interested in your way of looking at me.»  
>Brittany smiled.<br>They arrived at the restaurant and Mr. Lopez order the drinks.  
>«Don't we wait for your friend?»<br>«He will arrive. Oh, by the way, have I told about the legend of the ghost fish? It's so funny. Yesterday I was at the market and... Noah!»  
>At the entrance of the restaurant, Noah Puckerman was waving and looking at them with a smirk. Santana was frozen. Brittany looked at her scared, trying to find safety in her friend's eyes.<br>«Noah, my friend!» Mr. Lopez said standing up.  
>Also Santana stood up.<br>«Oh, there's no need to stand up. - said Noah - And you too.» he said looking at Santana.  
>«It's not for you, I'm leaving.» she replied.<br>«I'm not welcome?» he said smiling.  
>«No.»<br>«Santana! - her father said with an harsh tone - Try to behave like a woman and not like a child!»  
>«It's your fault! You know I hate him. You and your surprises...»<br>Noah was quietly laughing at the scene.  
>Brittany still hadn't the courage to look up towards him. She felt sick remembering that night: Santana's words and then him. She was feeling a fever heating up her body.<br>«I didn't recognized you. - he finally said speaking to Brittany - You're everyday more beautiful. Your father is really lucky. I met him few days ago, did he tell you that?»  
>«No... why?»<br>«Well, if I'm not welcome I can go away.» he said smiling.  
>«Yes, you should!»<br>«Santana!»  
>Brittany stood up.<br>«I need to go to the toilet.» she said in a rush, feeling her stomach twisting.  
>«I'm coming with you» Santana said.<br>«Come back soon.» Mr. Lopez shouted seriously while the girls were already away.  
>«I hate my father! I hate him! Stupid! Stupid!» Santana said punching the wall. She looked at Brittany.<br>«But... you're really sick. You're so pale. Is it because of Noah?»  
>«It's just the sun... too much sun today...»<br>«Do you want to go home?»  
>«What will your father say?»<br>«I don't care!»  
>«No... Come on, let's go back.»<br>«Is everything ok?» Mr. Lopez said worried when they returned to the table.  
>«Yes, thank you.» Brittany replied.<br>«So I was saying that I saw Mr. Pierce. - Noah said watching Brittany - Did he not mention this to you?»  
>«Why should he? I'm not interested in his business.»<br>«Well, I want to help him. I know that he has some... financial difficulties and I think that it's important to help each other.»  
>«As I said, I'm not interested.»<br>«He told me about it...»  
>«He asked me too for help. - Mr. Lopez said - Then we didn't conclude anything. But I have to say, the real deal was to meet Brittany. Let's cheer to that!»<br>«I need air.» Brittany suddenly said.  
>Mr. Lopez and Noah drank while the two girls went out the restaurant.<br>«I couldn't breathe inside.»  
>«Me either. I swear, my father is going to pay for this!»<br>Santana hugged Brittany.  
>«I don't want to go back inside.»<br>«Let's go then.»  
>They arrived at the beach. The only sound was that of the waves and few faint lights far away were giving just an hint of the limit between the sea and the land.<br>«Nobody's going to find us here.»  
>They embraced each other for a long time, fearing the night and the future. There was a despair and a joy in them that they never experienced before. They realized in that moment that their love had to be protect beyond their immagination and that the end could be so near.<br>«I'm scared. This place is scaring at night.»  
>«I'm scared too but I'm also attracted by it. I don't know...»<br>«Why did you bring me here?»  
>«Because here I am the only real thing in your world and you are in mine. Touch me, please.»<br>They kissed and touched trying to cure the wounds that life was already leaving on them.

Days passed by and they found themselves in the water for one of the last bathe. They laughed all morning, dipping into the waves. The sea was agitated and it was dangerous and exciting at the same time. Santana was laying on the sand and Brittany was still swimming when suddenly a wave brought her down under the water. She was surprised by it and started to cough and move around in panic.  
>«Brittany!» Santana said diving into the sea.<br>She reached her friend and swam back to the shore with her.  
>«Don't be scared. I'm here. I'm here.»<br>Brittany had red eyes and when they arrived at the beach she started to cough and laugh being still scared. Santana hugged her.  
>«It's not the time to drow.» she said smiling.<br>Brittany kissed her and closed her eyes. Santana deepened the kiss.  
>«Wait. What if someone sees us?»<br>«There's no one here. And even if there was, I want to tell the world about our love! No one can defeat us!»  
>Brittany smiled. They kept kissing while Brittany continued to look around fearing that an unknown eye could ruin this moment.<br>«We will be together forever! - Santana shouted - What we have will live forever inside us. Come with me.»  
>They reached Santana's bag and she picked up a pen. She started to draw a black ring around Brittany's finger.<br>«I'm marrying you. You'll always be mine.»  
>«Can I draw your ring too?»<br>«Sure!»  
>They laughed while a seagull flew near them.<p>

The next morning they woke up at sunrise. They looked for each other with closed eyes and kissed savoring the salt still on their skin. Suddenly the door burst open and Mr. Lopez entered the room. He looked at them, naked and embracing.  
>«Wha...» Santana said while covering them with the sheets.<br>Mr. Lopez remained still with an hard face.  
>«Dress yourself.» he said with a calm but angry voice.<br>He watched Brittany who was trying to cover herself under the sheets.  
>«It's over. You're going away. Now.»<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

When Mr. Lopez left the room, Brittany was shaking and crying.  
>«Nothing happened. - Santana whispered - Nothing happened. Brittany, please, don't cry. Nothing happened. Don't be scared.»<br>Santana embraced her while her heart was full of rage and despair. She hated her father, she felt venom flowing inside her veins: in that moment she could be able to do anything. Instead she started to cry.  
>«Brittany, Brittany, please, listen to me. - she said trying to look in her eyes - Brittany, stop it. Listen to me.»<br>Brittany looked at her behind the tears.  
>«Whatever will happen, you and me are going to be together again, do you understand?»<br>«I'm scared Santana. What will happen outside this room?»  
>«Nothing if you will be with me. Don't forget me. - Santana burst into tears. - Don't forget me, please. Swear to me.»<br>«I swear.»  
>She watched Brittany and embraced her but there was only despair in that act.<p>

«Brittany! Brittany!» Santana shouted.  
>«Let her go.» Mr. Lopez said harshly trying to hold back her daughter.<br>She managed to free herself from her father's arms and ran towards Brittany who was already walking down the street with her baggage.  
>«Are you going away like this?»<br>Brittany was crying and kept walking without looking at her.  
>«And what should I do? Your father said it. It's over. It's over, Santana. I was scared and I was right, do you understand?»<br>«It's not over. Remember our words, please, our promises. What are our promises?»  
>Brittany dropped her baggage, turned around and embraced her with strength and tenderness. As if it was the last time in their life.<br>«I will find you.»  
>«Me too.»<br>«Don't forget me.»  
>«Never.»<br>«You will be forever in my heart, I will bring you everywhere with me.»  
>«And you will be in mine.»<br>«Even in ten or a thousand years?»  
>«I swear.»<br>They remained like that, in the middle of the street, in silence. It was a warm day of september and the sky was so clear that it could be possible to see the limits of the sea.  
>Brittany broke away from the embrace crying.<br>«I will always be with you and you will always be inside me.»  
>«I will think about you everyday until we meet again.»<br>Brittany walked away moving like she was drunk. She didn't turn around: she couldn't stand the idea of looking again her eyes. Not now. Santana remained still clenching her's fists and looking Brittany until she disappeared.

«My little Brittany!» Mr. Pierce said when she arrived home.  
>He was strangely tender but Brittany was too shocked by the latest events to be really interested in her father's mood. She was tired. She felt sick in the bus and she was breathing hard. She was also scared. How would their parents react when they will discover about her and Santana? Did Mr. Lopez already informed them of what he found?<br>«Everytime time I see you, you're different. You're beautiful as your mother when she was young. But don't tell her this.» he said laughing.  
>Brittany smiled softly.<br>«But you are shaking! What happened? You're not feeling well?»  
>«I just need to rest.»<br>Once in her room she felt again like a stranger. In her soul there was only the thought of Santana and of the love for her. For the first time she felt how powerful could be the verb "love" when it was near a name like "Santana". She couldn't think of her life without her. Without her smile, her hugs, her caresses, her eyes. Will she ever see again her love? Everything was fuzzy and distant. She wanted to kiss Santana's skin. Everything seemed like a dream and now she was waking up with just her solitude. She understood the pain in not having Santana by her side, not being able to share with her the joy and the sufference, the weariness and the passion. She fell asleep, deeply, without dreaming.

The next morning she was woken up by the noise of a car near her house. She dressed and went downstair. Her father was in the living room speaking with someone. Before reaching the end of the stairs she recognized the voice of the other person and froze.  
>«Oh, my dear. You woke up. - Mr. Pierce said smiling - We have guests.»<br>Also her mother was in the room, clearly annoyed.  
>«Good morning.» said Noah.<br>He seemed different from the last time at the restaurant. He seemed nervous.  
>«I'm happy to see you again.»<br>His face was soft and defenceless. In that moment he was beautiful and elegant.  
>«Do you know him, right?»<br>Brittany nodded.  
>«He's a friend of Mr. Lopez but now he's also a friend of our family.»<br>Mr. Pierce was preparing some glasses of wine.  
>«I want to celebrate. Today is a great day.»<br>Brittany didn't fully understand the enthusiasm of her father.  
>«I'm working with your father now. - Noah said - We will see each other often...»<br>Brittany felt a shiver down her back.  
>«I'm so happy - Mr. Pierce said - he helped us a lot, he's a great man.»<br>«Well, with money you can have a lot but not everything...» he said looking Brittany in the eyes.  
>His words made Mr. and Mrs. Pierce turn around.<br>«Love, for example, needs just time and constancy.» Noah said raising up his glass.  
>«And I have both.» he added whispering.<p>

In the middle of night, Mr. Pierce entered Brittany's room. He remained near the door, in the dark.  
>«You're going to marry Noah. - he said with a serious tone - He fell in love with you and asked me for your hand and I said yes. With this wedding we will also stabilize our business. Mr. Lopez will come to the wedding while her daughter will be send away for awhile, to study. I'm very satisfied by this arrangement and by your future. It was the best thing that could happen and I hope you will not do other crazy things. He's a good man. He's rich and you'll be happy. Your mother is happy. Starting from tomorrow, he will be one of the family and I want to see you smile.»<br>He closed the door.  
>Brittany thought she was still dreaming and that she was kept prisoner in one of her nightmares. She wanted to scream. She wanted Santana. She stood up and punched the wall trying to contain her rage. She started to write a letter to Santana but she was sure that they'll never allow her to send it. And then she thought that the news of the wedding would have soon reached Santana...<p>

Two days later she received a letter:

_They told me about the wedding.  
>Don't ever write to me. Don't try to reach me. I don't want to see you again.<br>__Congratulations, you fooled me._

_ Santana_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

«Do you want something to drink?» Noah asked to his wife.  
>Brittany moved slightly her head and kept reading.<br>«Are you bored?»  
>«No.»<br>«Are you scared of the ocean?»  
>Brittany moved again her head to say no.<br>Noah was lying on the deckchair near her, touching nervously his wedding ring. He stood up and looked around inhaling the smell of the sea. He watched the girl behind him, his wife... He "bought" her and now she was there, with him. Beautiful. Distant.  
>Four days had passed since their departure. Noah was looking at her with desire in his eyes.<br>«One day you will love me.» he thought.  
>«Are you cold? Do you want to go back inside?»<br>Brittany didn't answer and he left. She leaned back and closed her eyes pretending to fall asleep. But then she didn't like the idea of someone looking at her in such an intimate moment, so she put her sunglasses on and looked straight ahead thinking about Santana, about their love without shadows.  
>The wedding was horribly simple. Noah was happy. Her father was happy. Her mother was cold. And Brittany was... Brittany was dressed in white. Mr. Lopez didn't come: he said at the last moment that he had a previous commitment.<br>She didn't have the courage to rebel against her father. She felt that the love for Santana was something impossible: out of this world, out of this life. But the truth was there, in her heart, in that feeling that was beyond reason.

Two days after, the weather changed suddenly. It was impossible to go outside. The sky was grey and it was raining hard. Brittany remained closed alone in her cabin for a long time, while Noah spent most of the time playing cards with other passengers of the ship. One night she decided to go out, bored by her loneliness.  
>She dressed elegant and went down to the big salon where dinner was served. She didn't want to be seen by Noah, she just needed to be around other people for awhile. But as soon as she arrived, Noah saw her and raised his arm.<br>«I'm happy you're here.»  
>His eyes were smaller and he spoke slowly. Brittany realized that he was a little bit drunk.<br>«I hope you're going to bring me good luck.» he said with one arm around her waist.  
>«He surely needs it!» one the other players said laughing.<br>«Oh, shut up! I'm just warming up!»  
>Brittany felt embarassed. She didn't want to be there but when Noah tightened the grip around her waist she sat on the chair and remained silent.<br>«You look beautiful tonight.» Noah said kissing her hair.  
>That night Brittany cried alone in her cabin. She cried silently because she didn't want anybody to hear her. She missed her mother, her room, Santana, her kisses and her warm skin. She didn't even feel grudge against her father: she was too exhausted for that. Fate had decided that her love for Santana could not win and that was what she had to accept. At least Noah had respected the fact that she was not yet ready to be his wife: he had bought a wife and a new life but since the wedding they had spent the nights in separate rooms.<p>

During the last week Noah spent every night playing cards and getting drunk. Brittany had dreamed about him: he was walking around the ship aimlessly while she was standing near the wall observing him. "Why you didn't rebel?" Santana asked while sitting near her. "Why you didn't fight for us?"  
>The idea of Santana made her feel better. "I'm happy you're here with me."<br>"I never went away. Look inside you and I will always be here, every day of your life."  
>"I feel so lonely."<br>"I know."  
>Santana was caressing her, naked. Brittany felt a deep pleasure in her touch: her skin smelled like sun and salt.<br>"I love you, Santana."  
>And then she kissed her while Santana seemed to say "I want to see you again. I understand your pain because it is mine too."<br>"Santana, I need you!"  
>They embraced again and, in a moment, breathing became harder and she woke up choking. She was alone in the cabin, the light was still on and she felt dazed by the dream. A dream. It was just a dream. She felt suspended between the ocean and the sky, wondering why life has turned out to be like this.<br>Suddenly she heard a loud bang outside her cabin. She looked at the watch: it was five in the morning. Someone was trying to open her door and a few moments later Noah entered her room. He was drunk.  
>He closed the door, threw the key on the table and began to undress. He seemed to realize in that moment that Brittany was there and looked her with a cruel smile.<br>«Why are you looking at me like that?» he said harshly.  
>«You scare me...»<br>«I'm your husband and I can look at you as I want.»  
>«I don't like you like this.»<br>«You don't like me... I know it! I'm the joke of this ship! Everyone knows that you don't like me. But you know what? You are my wife.»  
>«You should stop playing and drinking. You are losing a lot of money.»<br>«So what? I have a lot of money. I can keep lose money and buy what I want for the next ten years if I want to...»  
>«Yeah, I know, you bought also a wife...» Brittany said coldly.<br>Noah looked at her.  
>«I have to say, your attitude towards me right now is turning me on...» he said taking off his shirt.<br>«Stay away from me!»  
>«I'm your husband and you are my wife, do you understand?»<br>«Leave me.»  
>«Come here.»<br>«Leave me alone!»  
>Noah slapped her so hard that she almost lost consciousness.<br>«Stupid!»  
>«No!» she screamed with her mouth on the pillow.<br>«You're my wife and I want you completely. I've waited so long. I don't want to wait anymore.»

Brittany remained in her cabin for two days. The sky was blue again and she could hear the voices of people outside laughing and enjoying the day. She didn't want to see anybody.  
>«Our life will not be like this forever. - Noah had said that night - I want to be happy with you. I love you. I'm in love with you since that first night but you keep putting me down.»<br>He didn't look at her.  
>«I love you like you'll never understand.» he had said leaving the room.<br>She felt so dirty. She needed water and she spent the rest of the night washing herself trying to delete the smell of his skin.

The darkness of the sea and the darkness of the ocean had changed her way of looking at the night: it was no more the darkness that protects like a blanket, now it was the obscurity that swallows everything. Brittany was outside looking down at the water under the ship. The temptation to let herself fall was won only by an invincible hope in the bottom of her heart. A fragile hope but still a hope.  
>She didn't know no more if what she lived with Santana was a dream or reality. Brittany understood that her life had had a new start and her past was in a different dimension, like a dream with eyes open.<br>«Santana, I'll never forget you. I'm here, lost in the darkness of this ocean. I will not lose you. My sweet Santana, you will always be in me and I will always be with you. My words will reach you and will speak to your heart.»


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_Twenty years later._

Santana arrived at the showroom with a taxi. She looked at her watch: she was fifteen minutes late.  
>«You always have to be late. - One of her friends said to her awhile ago - In this way everybody will be already there and first they'll notice your absence and then they'll cheer your presence.»<br>She looked at the long line outside the building. The young painter she helped gain fame with her articles had evidently an enthusiastic following.  
>«I thought you wouldn't come anymore.» a young guy said to her while opening the door for her.<br>Santana smiled.  
>«You're divinely beautiful today.» he whispered in her ear.<br>«Oh, please, avoid this kind of things. I don't need your compliments. I'm not here to intertaining you. Also, I think there are other people here today that would appreciate more your attentions.»  
>«Beautiful and nervous.» he said laughing and walking away.<br>Santana spent a lot of time greeting everyone and answering questions about the artist that almost everyone considered one of her creature.  
>«Santana, come here. They want you for a photo.»<br>While she was posing with the painter, Santana saw in the distance a tall, elegant man looking at them.  
>«He's a friend. - the painter said noticing her gaze. - He's here to buy some paintings. Come with me, I'll introduce you.»<br>They moved through the crowd and arrived in front of him who was waiting with a smile.  
>«Santana, this is Will. - The painter said introducing his friend - It's a great honour to have you here, my friend.»<br>«Nice to meet you.» Santana said shaking his hand.  
>«Will, I'm sorry I'm late. - A girl said arriving with vehemence - I got lost.»<br>Santana gasped. She watched her with attention, her heart was beating loudly and her hands were shaking.  
>«I'm sorry, I didn't want to interrupt...» the girl said smiling embarassed.<br>Santana kept looking at her.  
>«She is my wife, Emily.» Will said smiling.<br>«Are you ok?» the painter said watching Santana.  
>She put an hand on his arm and Emily watched her wondering what was happening.<br>«I need to sit down. I need to drink something.» Santana said confused.  
>«Do you want water?»<br>«No, I need something stronger.»  
>They gave her some cognac and she drank it in a gulp. Will and Emily were looking at her preoccupied.<br>«I'm good now.»  
>«You made us worry.» Emily said.<br>«But... who are you?» Santana said looking Emily deeply in the eyes.  
>«Why?» she replied smiling slightly.<br>Even the smile was the same.  
>Santana closed her eyes as if to recall a thought or a forgotten dream. The presence of Emily was like a ghost. The pain was tightening her heart and she felt a hot wave warming her soul.<br>«Who are you?»  
>«My name is Emily.» she said looking confused at her husband.<br>«I'm sorry... I thought you were... I'm a stupid... You are so similar to an old friend...»  
>Emily smiled.<br>«And what's your name?»  
>«I'm Santana.»<br>«Like my sister!» she said amused by the situation.  
>«You have a sister named Santana?»<br>«Yes. She's one year younger. We are very similar but she's not here with me now, she remained at home with my mum.»  
>Santana's hands were trembling. She felt something growing inside of her, trying to erupt outside her body.<br>«And... and what's your mother's name?»  
>«Brittany. Her name is Brittany Pierce. Why? Do you know her?»<br>Santana moved her head saying some incomprehensible words with an hysterical smile. She looked up with watery eyes and approached the girl. After a moment she raised her hand and caressed Emily's cheek with a tenderness that left everyone speechless.  
>«You're beautiful.» Santana said as if she was touching a vision or a dream.<br>Emily turned red and looked Will. The painter didn't know what to do and ask Santana if she wanted to sit down again.  
>«I'll tell my mother about this encounter» Emily said shaken. Nobody, not even her mother or her husband had ever caressed her like that.<br>«How is your mother?»  
>«She's fine.»<br>«And Noah?»  
>«How do you know my father?»<br>While they were speaking, Emily touched her cheek as if to keep the feeling of that woman's hand.  
>Santana pressed firmly her lips between the teeth feeling pain and felt tears in her eyes.<br>«I want to go away. - she said trembling - I have to go away.»  
>«But how do you know my mother and my father?» Emily said trying to reach her arm.<br>«I'm sorry... I don't feel well. I have to go.»  
>«But...»<br>Santana pressed her bag on her chest and ran away without the courage to look again that girl in the eyes. When Emily ran out of the building trying to find her, she saw Santana already inside a taxi with her forehead against the window, crying and smiling at the same time.

«Turn around!» Brittany said to her.  
>«Why?»<br>«I don't want you to look at me.»  
>«Ok! But hurry up!» Santana replied laughing.<br>It was the first time they bathed together at the river.  
>Santana was looking from the corner of her eye while Brittany removed her dress. She felt shaking deep inside and, not able to keep the emotion, she turned around suddenly splashing her friend who was trying to cover herself with her hands.<br>«Ah! Stop it!» Brittany screamed before diving into the water.  
>«It's so cold!» she said approaching Santana.<br>They kept splashing around and laughing. Santana embraced Brittany mimicking a fight.  
>«Stop!» Brittany screamed trying to free herself and trying to pour out the embarrassment of being naked in the arms of Santana. They laughed and then they remained silent, in the water, away from each other.<br>«It's beautiful here, isn't it?»  
>«Yes.»<br>«I'm happy to have known you and I'm happy that you're here with me.»  
>Brittany was looking down, not knowing what to say.<br>«Are you cold?»  
>Brittany nodded.<br>Once out of the water, Santana was wringing out her hair trying to dry them when she noticed that Brittany was still shivering.  
>«Are you still cold?»<br>Brittany moved her head slightly. Santana touched her blond hair and then snuggled up against her, embracing her like it was the most natural thing to do.  
>«I'm gonna give you my warmth.» she whispered in her ear.<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Santana looked around. She was in her bedroom, still dressed, and she was waking up from what seemed to be a dream. All those memories were coming back with vehemence. How much time had passed? Five, ten, twenty years? Everything was still there, inside her.  
>She felt the urge to get out of that room and go back to see that young girl who looked so much like her Brittany. She desired to know everything about Emily, about her mother and about her younger sister. She looked for the keys and tried to open the door with shaking hands, as if having a sudden fever. The air was lacking and she needed to watch and to touch that girl identical to her Brittany. The name died on her lips like a whisper. Brittany...<br>Santana was walking along the street breathing deeply. She didn't know where she was: she was too lost in her mind. She knew that one day they would have found each other. But, once again, fate played with them: she didn't meet Brittany, she met her daughter. She was not ready for that or maybe she had stopped believing.  
>She was keeping the bag against her chest and with an hand she removed the hair that had fallen in front of her face. She was sweating, she felt sick, cold shivers were running along her back but she kept walking until she leaned on a wall, too tired to go on. She bent over herself with the arms around her stomach, feeling the desire to scream like never before. She was alone and she thought about her mother and about the few memories of her. She thought about her father and the last time they saw each other, when she left him without crying. She thought about Brittany, her sweet Brittany. She thought about their love that helped her survive throughout all these years. Years full of wasted feelings and solitude. She began to cry all the tears that she had kept closed inside her while the night was covering her with darkness.<p>

Emily arrived in front of the house with a taxi. There was a gate and behind it a small garden. She looked around curiously and searched for Santana's name on the door bell.  
>«Are you looking for someone?» an old lady asked from a window while cuddling a cat.<br>«I'm looking for Santana, Santana Lopez. But I can't find her name here.»  
>«She didn't want to put her name there but she lives here.»<br>«Is she at home?»  
>«I don't know.»<br>«Can I come in?»  
>«You can't.»<br>«Why?»  
>«It's useless.»<br>«Why?» that lady was starting to make Emily nervous.  
>«She's not here.»<br>«But you said you didn't know.»  
>«Well... she's not here. I saw her going out yesterday and I didn't see her coming back.»<br>Will put an hand on her shoulder: «Let's go.»  
>Emily was irritated by the conversation with that lady but she followed Will inside the taxi.<br>«I want to see Santana again.» she said after awhile.  
>«Why is it so important?» Will asked.<br>«Because I have to see her. My sister has the same name and she knew my father's name. I want to know. And... it doesn't make sense! Why did she run away like that?»  
>«Maybe she didn't feel well.»<br>«No. That woman knew my mother and my father. And that reaction... I don't know, I don't understand but I have to see that woman again. She was trembling. And she seemed scared by me.»  
>Emily didn't sleep that night. Will embraced her kissing her forehead and trying to calm her. He promised that they would go back to look for her.<p>

Santana returned home the day after. She took a shower and then went to sleep: she felt so tired. The telephone started to ring a few hours later. She woke up but didn't answer. Her first thought was immediately for Brittany. Just thinking about her made her heart beating fast. Where was she? What did she do all these years? Was she still beautiful? Of course she was, there was no doubt. And her daughters: the older was so beautiful, she tried to immagine the little Santana. She felt a lot of tenderness thinking about that. Brittany didn't forget her, she was sure.  
>The telephone rang again but she didn't answer. So many years had passed but everything was still so clear in her mind. She remembered the first time they saw each other. It was like a tremendous shock. She remembered every moment of that night: the laughs, the joy, the smells, the dust, the caresses. She realized that she was still able to feel everything, that she was still that Santana, that girl that wanted the world all for herself. Years had passed by so quickly. Was she happy today? Did she feel complete as a woman? What would she say to Brittany? And to Emily? How could she tell Emily about her loneliness, about her immense love for her mother, about that love still alive after all these years? Would she understand or would she be angry? And what if Brittany didn't want Emily to know?<br>The telephone rang again and this time she decided to answer.  
>«Hello?» she hadn't spoke for several hours now and her voice was hoarse.<br>«Good morning. I'm looking for Santana Lopez. I'm Artie Abrams, I'm a lawyer.»  
>«I am Santana Lopez.»<br>«I'm sorry but I have to tell you a sad news. Your father died. And I need to see you.»  
>«What?»<br>«He died three days ago and I have a letter for you.»  
>«Wha...»<br>«I have in front of me his will. I tried to reach you but I wasn't able to find you until now.»  
>«Where's your office? I'm coming immediately.»<p>

Santana was waiting for the taxi outside her home.  
>«Where are you going in such a hurry?» the old lady asked looking out the window.<br>«I don't have time to talk now.»  
>«Oh well, that means that I won't tell you anything.»<br>«I'm not interested in gossip!»  
>«Somebody is looking for you. It seemed urgent.»<br>«I know. I'm going right now to the man who was looking for me.»  
>«Then I don't think we are talking about the same person. It was not a man who came here yesterday.»<br>Santana looked the woman in the eyes.  
>«Ok, so tell me.»<br>«A pretty girl came here yesterday. She was with a tall, handsome man.»  
>Santana remained silent while her heart was beating fast.<br>«At what time did she come? Did she leave anything for me?»  
>The old lady smiled.<br>«At what time did she come?» Santana repeated nervously.  
>«Oh, I don't know! Everyone avoids me but then ask me to be informed about everything!»<br>«Please...» Santana replied trying to contain her rage.  
>«Well, I think it was in the afternoon but who knows... I'm old and my memory is not so good.»<br>The taxi arrived and Santana left without saying another word. Too many things were happening and she needed to breathe and try to concentrate on what to do.

The only thing her father left her in the will was a key. It opened the little apartament in which he spent the last years of his life. After that summer with Brittany, she left home to study abroad and the relationship with his father had soon deteriorated. She didn't know what he did or where he lived and he seemed equally disinterested.  
>Now she was there, in his room. She looked around: there was a bed, a wardrobe and a small bedside table. She began to open the drawers. The first was empty as the second one. In the third there was a tin box. She picked it up, sat on the bed and opened it. It was full of letters and postcards. She recognized immediately the handwriting.<p>

_Why don't you answer my letters, Santana? Why don't you answer?_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_October 2, 1949  
><em>_Dear Santana,  
><em>_how are you? Are you thinking about me? I hope this postcard will cross the ocean to reach you. What will remain of our memories? Are we going to live our life like this forever? I can't stay away from you.  
><em>_Your Brittany_

Why did he do this? Why did he keep away from her all this happiness?

_October 29, 1949  
>Why don't you answer my letters? Santana, Santana! Please, write to me. I think I'm going crazy.<br>Your Brittany_

_December 19, 1949  
>I hate this place, I hate everything. Why don't you answer my letters? Write to me, tell me that you're still thinking of me. I need it. Every day here is like a year.<em>

_February 1, 1950  
>I feel like in a cage. What is this place? This is not my destiny. Or maybe it is since my father wanted it. My dear Santana, why am I here, with a man I don't love and who was your lover. I know is crazy but sometimes I think he is the last thing that still connects me to you, do you believe it? My dear Santana, I want to be with you. I want to feel you near me, I want to sleep feeling your breath against my neck. I don't forget your skin. Why life was so cruel? Meeting you was the real sentence since now I know I can't live without thinking of you. My God, Santana, I'm so unhappy.<br>Noah laughs and looks at me with pity. He is jealous of my feelings for you even if he doesn't want to say anything to me. But he made it clear one night in the ship. I thought about ending my life while we were sailing. Then I found hope in my heart. Hope that one day I will see you again. Hope that I will be able to write to you. Hope that I will have the strength to think about you. Sometimes such a small hope is enough to tighten our grip on life. It was enough for me.  
>I don't know why you don't answer. How I love you, Santana. God, how I stlli love you. I want you here with me. I will keep writing to you even if you don't write me back.<br>Please, tell me that your letter was not true, tell me that you didn't write it.  
>For the rest of my life, until the day we meet again, I will think about you. Because I know that one day we will be together again. But where are you now? Please, tell me.<br>Your Brittany_

Santana read the letters sat on a bench in a garden. Her mind was spinning wildly. While she was reading, Santana saw all her life in front of her eyes and she realized that her soul and her body had lived two different times. Who was the real Santana? The one who was listening the voices coming from those letters or the rich and famous woman who found them?  
>When she arrived at home, she managed to obtain the address of Emily and Will and wrote her first letter to Brittany.<p>

_October 20, 1969  
>Dear Brittany,<br>where were you all these years? Such a long time. Brittany, Brittany, Brittany. How many times I thought about you. How many times I wrote your name. I never forgot you. In a few days you will read these words and I will be with you again. Today is the beginning of a new life for me and I want to say your name over and over again. How can I write my happiness? You can't even imagine what happened in these days and now I'm here breaking the silence between us. Twenty years. At the beginning I was counting the days, the weeks, the months... How are you, Brittany? My hand is shaking. You have been inside me all these years, you were my only company. How many things I would like to tell you, I don't know where to begin. And you? How was your life? I met Emily, your daughter. She is beautiful as you were and as I'm sure you still are. Do you remember my birthday party? Do you remember that night. I remember everything. I fight against the time for those memories every day. It seems like yesterday to me. Seeing your daughter was like seeing your ghost in front of me. I have found your letters today. Just today. My father kept everything away from me and now he is dead. I read your words now that I have found your daughter. And I cried on those words that remained stuck for such a long time.  
>Write to me, please, tell me that you didn't forget me. Tell me that you didn't forget our dreams, our promises. Happiness confuses me. Brittany, Brittany, my sweet Brittany.<br>Your Santana_

_November 26, 1969  
>My sweet sweet Santana,<br>I can't explain the joy I felt when Emily told me about you. I couldn't believe it. You? Really you? I didn't know if I wanted to cry or to laugh. She kept asking who you were and why you know me and Noah and I just wanted to ask her questions about you. She told me about your caress.  
>How are you, my Santana, my soul? Emily told me about your work and I'm so happy for you. I have so many things to say to you. I kept sending you letters for awhile and then I stopped because you didn't write me back. I felt so lonely writing those words.<br>I have another daughter and her name is Santana. You can't even imagine how much I had to fight for that name. She is beautiful like her sister. I would like to tell you everything but how is it even possible? Those days with you had kept me company all my life. Dear Santana, how happy I am to write to you, my heart is full of love in this moment. Time doesn't matter, it's an illusion.  
>How can I tell twenty years in a letter? So many things come to my mind. Do you remember our nights? I remember your hands, our youth, our love. Every moment of my life was dedicated to you. Santana, my love, I'm here, lost in this world thinking about you.<br>Your Brittany_

_December 15, 1969  
>My dear Brittany,<br>you are right: time is an illusion. Past can't come back but I froze it in me and it can be my present every day. I try to imagine your life and I know that you want to know about mine. Maybe you want to know if there has been love in my life. I have to be true: nobody took your place. I had someone by my side for a few years but he never really belonged to me as I always belonged to you. I didn't have child, I didn't want to. It was not right.  
>I have never sent you a letter. I knew about your wedding while I was already abroad and I understood in that moment what our parents had decided for our future. I received a letter from you in which you wrote that you didn't want to see me again. I went mad. I began to scream and throw everything around. I'm smiling now understanding what happened but in those days the pain was unbearable. I knew that you didn't write those words but still I didn't understand. Why our parents acted like this? There was nothing dirty or obscene in our love.<br>Everything with you was different. With you I understood the beauty of the world.  
>Will we ever see each other again? Tell me about you.<br>A kiss  
>Your Santana<em>

_January 24, 1970  
>My love,<br>Noah doesn't know that we are writing to each other. Your words are only mine. I read your letters several times. It's so wonderful to have you back in my life. I don't even want my daughters to know about our letters. It's a secret.  
>I want you to know me again, <em>I want to tell you everything. <em>I learned to love Noah during these years. It's not easy to explain. Emily was conceived in the ship. One night he was drunk and he took me against my will. Emily was born from that violence. Where is the good and where is the evil? I didn't have the strength to rebel. I tried to find the best in what life was giving me: this is just another way to survive. Dear Santana, with me Noah learned how to love himself. We built a life together. I can't hate him. Have I been happy or unhappy? I don't even know if these questions make sense. Life is complex and we always want simple answers. Even our parents wanted something good for us. There were moments in which I have been happy. My life with my daughters was the most real happiness after you. Living here wasn't easy and it's not easy even today. Noah is tired, he is really sick and I don't know if my words will change your opinion on him.  
>My daughters brought joy in my life, they're my love. But there's a truth I can't erase, my dear Santana: I can't forget you. My soul is alive only when I say your name, even after all these years.<br>Goodnight my sweet love  
>Your Brittany<em>

_March 20, 1970  
>Dear Brittany,<br>I don't know if your words hurt me or not. I don't know. I'm alone now and I'm scared. I even thought about not writing to you anymore. I don't want the past to separate us again. After the initial enthusiasm, I'm not really sure if I want to meet you again. What if we have only illusions? The hope to be with you again kept me alive during these years and now I'm scared. I'm scared of losing you again. I'm afraid that reality will crash our dreams again. I want to cry and to laugh, I want to hug you and I want to vanish from the world.  
>Brittany, Brittany, Brittany. I want to love you for the rest of my life but I think you will never be mine.<br>Your Santana_

_March 21, 1970  
>My dear Brittany,<br>forget my words. There are too many thoughts in my head and I'm confused. I didn't even ask you about Noah. Is he really so sick? I'm sorry, I can't understand anything. I'm here, alone, and I've never been so alone in my life. I think I will be alone for the rest of my life. That's why the idea of seeing you fights against the idea of never seeing you again. I know that you will never leave your family. I understand. I'm not even able to ask you that. I thought a lot about our future in the past months. I don't know, I want everything and life denies me everything. I want to love you and instead I'm here alone, so far away from you. I send you a kiss.  
>Forever yours<br>Santana_

_June 3, 1970  
>My dear Santana,<br>since we found each other again, even the words of the poets sound different to my ears.  
>Noah is really sick now. I spent the last two months in the hospital with him. He is so pale and thin. Emily and Santana are always here with me, near their father. They're scared. They are giving him all the love he wanted from me. I understood this in these days. He still looks at me with eyes full of desire.<br>I'm not writing this to make you suffer but because this is my life now and I don't want to hide anything. I would like to be there with you but this is the life I live here, with my family. I'm still his wife and I will be his wife until the end. I've never loved Noah as I love you but I care for him and I learned forgiveness.  
>I'm going to sleep now. I'm really tired. The memories, my words to you, the idea of speaking with you leave me without energies. My voice is inside you and I would like to hear our voices together again. I always loved you, dear Santana, and our love has not yet seen the end.<br>Goodnight  
>Your Brittany<em>

_June 29, 1970  
>My dear Brittany,<br>I cried reading your letter and now I think that I will never save myself from my loneliness. I don't know what to write, I just know what I wanted my life to be. Time is gone forever. Your life is there, far away from me. And what if I ask you to be here with me now? Will you think that I'm an egoist? That I'm afraid of my solitude? I'm not. I spent so many years waiting for my love to be true love. Waiting for someone who could welcome me as I am. I want my love to find a safe harbour, I'm tired to lie in wait.  
>I don't want to write anymore. I don't want to hear about you anymore. I shouldn't have meet Emily. Fate keeps playing with us and we are only able to suffer in silence. We will never be together. That's the only truth. There's no music for us, Brittany, there's no music in our days. Don't write me back. It's better in this way, we will suffer less.<br>Forever yours  
>Santana<em>

_August 20, 1970  
>My dear Santana,<br>do you reproach me for my life? But this is my life. Do you suffer for my words? But these truths will not diminish my love for you. Are you jealous? And what should I say? Should I have lied to you? Do you think it's possible to erase in a moment twenty years? I kept your name inside me all these years. I defended our love from the brutality of life. Don't you remember our nights?  
>Please, don't get offended. Life always offends us, even when it gives us joy. Between all the pain and the happiness of my life, I have never forgot you. And if the ocean didn't received me in its darkness, I will repeat it to you, it was just for the feeble hope to meet you again.<br>What are twenty years? Nothing. Just days. It doesn't matter. I'm there with you with my words. But if you really want, I will never write to you again.  
>With love<br>Your Brittany_

_Septemeber 1, 1970  
>I wanted to write and then no. I wanted to write harsh words and then I wanted to embrace you with tenderness. I wanted to rip all your letters and then I closed all of them in a box to control my madness. What I feel for you is destroying me.<br>I won't write anymore.  
>I leave you with a present, a memory of our days. I've found them after a long time in a drawer. I remember leaving them there in the hope of looking again at them with you one day. Now I know it's impossible. They're so beautiful and I want you to have them. Goodbye Brittany, you will be forever with me, every day of my life. Be happy.<br>Forever yours  
>Santana<em>

When Brittany opened the letter she saw four pictures in black and white. In the first she saw herself, young, leaning on a rock, with her arms in the air, ready to jump like a dancer with a smile on her face. She remembered that day. In the second one she was sitting on the beach, with her head on her knees, lost in her thoughts. In the third and fourth she was with Santana. They were again near the sea, embracing each other.  
>Brittany watched the pictures for a long time in silence. She read again the letter.<br>Emily arrived suddenly.  
>«Mom, come! Dad needs you!»<br>«I'm coming.» Brittany replied.  
>She closed the envelope and put it in her bag. She ran an hand across her face thinking about Santana's words between rage and pain while tears were bursting inside her. She decided to never write back.<p>

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><p><em>Note.<em>  
>Until now, I didn't write any personal comment at the end of the chapters because I didn't want to break the mood of the story. But, since the story is near the end, I needed to say thank you. I don't know how many people read this story but I was not interested in big numbers when I started to write. I thought that one "favorite" or one "alert" would be enough: I would write for that person. That's why I want to thank in particular SomeAreLakes, R Cole, everythingurnot and eveOFeden who also took the time to write their reviews. I really, really appreciate your words.<br>In my mind, the story I wrote was more articulated than what you read but there were two obstacles: English is not my first language and time is always not enough. So, as SomeAreLakes noticed, I tried to keep it really simple and essential, letting the reader to fill the holes with imagination.  
>Well, that's all :)<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Noah died the night of October 17, 1970. Brittany felt pain and relief at the same time. She didn't cry, she was too tired. He died with his hand on her hand. She closed her eyes and thought about their life together: the first night at Santana's house, the wedding, the violence and then the sweet kisses he gave her after the birth of Emily. She thought about his love for their daughters. She caressed his cheek and his hair for the last time. She put the sheet over his face and went away.  
>She spent the next day cleaning the house while her daughters were observing her with watery red eyes. She thought about Santana: should she write to tell her about Noah's death? Was it just a way to break the silence?<br>«What will happen?» Emily asked her mom.  
>«I don't know. - Brittany replied hugging her daughter and kissing her hair - I really don't know.»<br>A week after, Brittany and her daughters were in front of the lawyer, ready to listen the will.

_September 29, 1970  
>I, Noah Puckerman, will leave all my properties to my daughters, Emily and Santana.<br>I will leave to my beautiful Emily the factory. Her husband, Will, had learned a lot from me in these last months and I am sure he will be a trusted partner.  
>I will instead leave to my lovely Santana the estate and the apartments in the city. I hope the income will let her pursue her studies without worries.<br>I will let my daughters decide if they want to give to their mother the income from their grandfather's factory. I'm talking about the percentage of her father's factory with which I bought her many years ago, taking her away to love her as I tried to do every day of my life.  
>This is my last will.<br>Noah Puckerman_

The room was silent. Emily and Santana were looking at their mother. She smiled a little. Her face was red. She stood up biting her lips.  
>«I should go.» she said in a whisper.<br>«What does it mean dad bought you with the factory?»  
>«It's a long story.» her hands were shaking.<br>«What does it mean dad bought you?» Emily asked again.  
>«And he didn't leave you anything.» Santana said.<br>«I loved your father. I respected his love for me.»  
>«But why did he do that?»<br>«There are no answers. - Brittany said - This is his last will. He wanted to slap me one more time and he did it. It hurts but that's ok.»  
>«In order to close some formalities regarding Mr. Puckerman's quota of your father's factory, we have to go back to your home town. - The lawyer said to Brittany - I will leave today and you should come within a wee...»<br>«But why?» Emily interrupted not even listening the lawyer but looking deeply in her mother's eyes.  
>«Why mom?» Santana asked again.<br>Brittany didn't answer. She watched her daughters and then embraced them with love and pain.  
>«You're all I have. That's all that matters and that's all I care about. Your father loved you and he wanted you to be happy. What happened between me and him is just between me and him.»<br>«But why?» Emily tried again clenching her's fists.

Brittany watched the sunset through the window of the airplane. She left her home sailing the waves and now she was going back touching the clouds. She tried to sleep but there were too many thoughts and memories in her head. She had not returned home since the wedding, not even when her parents were dead: that world was no longer hers.  
>When she arrived, a warm air welcomed her even if it was the end of October. She was outside the airport waiting for a taxi and she thought about Santana. Should she call her? Should she let her know that she was back? Santana. Her name was still an open wound. In the taxi her hands began to shake. She was just few minutes away from Santana. The idea of seeing her again made her heart beating loudly. But she was there to take care of business, she needed to focus. She began to sweat.<br>«Are you ok?» the driver said looking at the rear-view mirror.  
>«Yes, it's just too hot here.»<br>She was looking outside the window with sunglasses on. She saw her reflection and remembered that morning when Santana appeared in the kitchen with her sunglasses... Outside the taxi the world seemed to be indifferent to her agitation. An old lady was walking with her dog. A group of boys was laughing. At a traffic light a man smiled. On the sidewalk two girls were holding hands: they were talking and one of them raised her arm tightening the grip on her friend's hand to show her something. She remembered doing the same gesture with Santana. Suddenly the need to see her was irresistible, impossible to contain. She opened her bag and searched frantically for the letter that surely was still there. When she found it, she turned the envelope and read the address asking the driver to change the destination.  
>«Are you sure?» The driver replied a little surprised.<br>«Yes! I need to do something important.» Brittany said.  
>She was excited: for the first time she was taking control of her life, of her destiny.<br>She watched the road intensely. The idea of seeing Santana and hugging her with all her strenght was giving her warmth.  
>«Santana, I'm here!» she whispered.<br>When the taxi slowed down, Brittany felt the air lacking. She tried to prepare a speech but she didn't know what to say. What if she wasn't at home? What if she hadn't the strength to wait? What if...? For a moment she thought about asking the driver to go back. All those emotions were terrifying.  
>The taxi stopped and Brittany got out and walked towards the gate. She recognized it by the description of Emily. The garden behind it was full of flowers. She gripped the gate with her hands as if she needed it not to fall. There were some lemon trees on the left corner.<p>

«When I'll be grown up, I want a garden with lemon trees.» Santana said to her. They were sat on a low wall near the sea.  
>«I love you Santana.»<br>«I love you too. Swear to me that one day we will live together like two old spinsters.»  
>Brittany laughed.<br>«Will we become old together?»  
>«Don't you think it will be great?»<br>«We have a life ahead.» Brittany replied holding her hand.

Brittany remained still for a moment, waiting for something to happen. Then she looked up towards a window where there was a big pot full of red flowers.

«My lips need your love.» Santana said in her ear while sitting on the wall.

A woman opens the window and begins to pour water into the pot. The glass is not yet empty when she raises her eyes towards the gate. The two women look at each other.  
>Santana takes a step back, looks out of the window again and then disappears inside the apartment.<br>Brittany is unable to move her body, her hands still gripping tightly the gate.  
>The door on the other side of the garden opens. They look in each other eyes.<br>Santana raises her hand moving slowly the fingers.  
>A smile appears on their faces: the first one of many others.<p>

* * *

><p>So this is the end. I think that from now on Brittany and Santana have the right to live their life without further interferences of other people, not even the writer.<br>I don't know if I'll ever write again but this was surely a funny experiment: thanks to all the readers!


End file.
